Give me something new

According to today’s New York Times, doctors at the pretigous Cleveland Clinic have successfully transplanted an entire face. The team, led by Dr. Maria Siemionow, took a perfectly good face attached to a dead person and reattached it to the head of a person without a good face but who happened to be alive. I think this is very good.

I would like to have a new face too. Don’t know what the surgery costs, but I think it would be worth it. I would like either Brad Pitt’s face or Kate Winslett’s. I considered Hugh Jackman’s but he is just looks too gay for me.

I realize that none of those people are dead…. yet. But either one could go at any moment, especially Pitt. The strain of living with Angelina Jolie and all those kids could just exhaust him to the point of collapse and if it happens I am putting in my dibs right now for his face. You can have the other body parts, all I want is the face.

You may have noticed I said Kate Winslet? I know she’s a woman but she’s British and has some very masculine features if you look very closely. So does Cate Blanchett for that matter. I just saw a large poster at a bus stop in Manhattan and it had a huge photograph of Kate Winslett’s head and at first I could swear she was a very handsome man. When I realized it was Kate Winslett I said to myself, “wow, that could be useful information someday.” Sure enough, as soon as I read the article today I knew that if she should happen to pass away in her sleep or die from an overdose of spotted dick and kidney pie, I want her face (those Brits all have terrible gastrointestinal issues).

Other faces I considered were those belonging to my old high school buddy Jeff Mathesius cause he was very handsome back then and got all the girls and still looks good at age 57. Also Will Smith cause he is such a huge movie star and he has a really cute wife. I considered young faces like Zach Efron or one of the Jonas Brothers but I honestly am not sure what they look like. And I thought about older distinguished faces like Sean Connery and Donald Sutherland but I figured that would just be another old face, albeit more macho. I thought about Donald’s son Keifer but he has those funny looking ears. And of course I thought of George Clooney. Clooney would make a great choice but I just don’t see him dying any time soon.

I am sticking with my selections and though I wish them no harm, if they should happen to croak, I want everyone to remember that I got first dibs.